A couple of weeks ago, I literally felt a tickle bubble in my throat as I watched Faith Salie’s segment on CBS Sunday Morning. Faith has written a book entitled “Approval Junkie: Adventures in Caring Too Much”. Well the title alone reached through the television set and shook my shoulders. You see, I too am an approval junkie and felt gratitude enveloping me as I realized somebody as beautiful, smart, and cool as Faith Salie experiences the same penchant for people pleasing as I do.
Salie’s book details her uphill battle developing self-confidence, and examines her pursuit of validation. Was I looking in the mirror? At 62 I still struggle with self-confidence and the need for validation from people I admire. Like Salie, I hang with some pretty smart, accomplished people who inspire me. Do I want their approval? Umm, like totally! It sounds a little loony, but two people whose opinions matter enormously are my two children’s. I become a virtual Gumby around them bending over backwards to be the perfect parent.
Instead of trying to be a “perfectionist” or “people pleaser”, Salie says, “it’s better to be honest as an approval junkie, someone who is vulnerable and human enough to admit that they care about affirmation from others”.
Ok, I’ve been pretty honest here about my vulnerabilities. I want to hear from you. Do you consider yourself a people pleaser? A family and friend pleaser? Perhaps you are a recovering approval junkie. I would love it if you would take a short survey on this topic by clicking here.
I’ll report back on the results.
Kj says
May 20, 2016 at 6:51 pmI have always been this way and when people around me aren’t happy, for whatever reason, I take it personally.
I’m trying to ditch this by reading books like The Human Magnet Syndrome and other codependency books. They help.
Liz Kitchens says
May 21, 2016 at 9:10 pmThank you so much for your candor and the name of this book.
Joan says
May 20, 2016 at 7:44 pmNever thought of my need to please as a lack of confidence. You gave me something to think about. Thank you.
Liz Kitchens says
May 21, 2016 at 9:11 pmIt may not be true for you. Listening to Faith Salie gave me something to think about Thank you so much for your comment
Carol says
May 21, 2016 at 11:38 pmThis puts a name to that “what’s wrong with me?” feeling. Labeling it, an “Approval Junkie” also makes it seem optimistically something that can be changed. YAY! Thanks for the shoulder shake and the name/author of the book.
DJ says
May 22, 2016 at 12:44 pmI too am an admitted people pleaser. One way I have started to let go of this attitude is to stop apologizing for everything. I now only say “I’m sorry” if I have made a real mistake. Baby steps ????